TO CATCH A PRE-TEENAGER
Last night, NBC aired it's first installment of the highly
controversial new series 'To Catch a Pre-Teenager', an
investigation into a growing national epidemic; teens and
preteens trolling the Internet, looking for sex with seniors. To
expose them, multiple hidden cameras were set up in a house in
South Florida.
A decoy coaxes the boys in, but instead of finding a 70 or 80
year old home alone, the youngsters looking to fulfill their
perversions will meet a pretentious ratings-obsessed reporter.
Here’s an example of what we will witness: a
12 old, expert computer gamer, calls himself “N2daddies”
online. He thinks he’s here to meet a 72 year old named
George, but was actually sent a decoy photo. During his online
chat, he makes plans to give the senior oral sex, promising to do
simple chores in exchange. Some set the bait by offering
access to affordable prescription medications.
"I...I...thought I was going to do him a favor!", stuttered one punk,
grasping for excuses. "What? Do you really expect us believe that
someone as young and taut and adorable as you could possibly give
any degree of joy to an honorable older gentleman through some sick
physical act?", the repoter bellows, stopping only to check his hair.
Often, these young criminals claim never to have solicited
online before or were simply trying to teach seniors about the
dangers of the Evil Internets. One hoodlum had the gall to show up
with an electric blanket. "He said he was cold!", obviously
feigning compassion.
"We are filled with disgust", said Sharon Needles, a spokesperson for
OOMPCKE (Officials Occasionally Making Public Comments to Keep Employment).
"Everyone knows how important Seniors are to our culture and economy.
The Elderly are the most highly respected and admired group in our society
and our successful Health Care and Social Security systems prove it!"
She sadly adds,"Just think how depressed these innocent people must feel
being reduced to mere sexual objects!"
What is causing this national problem? Dr. Dinah Kanser explains for us:
"Children are born with Original Sin, which means they are dirty and perverted
from the onstart, so by the time they are pre-teens, they are
pathologically depraved predators and well experienced in their
personal filthy fetishes."
Is this simply a ploy to increase ratings? NBC denies such a claim. "These Folk are our Nation Treasures, they work hard and live morally their whole lives, then move to Miami Beach only to become unwilling playthings for the young. We are exposing this abuse as a public service. The producers work very hard, sometimes it takes months and months of using methods outside the law just to find a fool dumb enough to entrap....uh, I mean catch.
