PHELPS PHUCKS PHALWELL PHUNERAL

As the generous body of world renowned philanthropist and multiple Nobel Peace Prize nominee Jerry Falwell was descending toward sacred soil, the banter of obscene chanting from across the street was drowning out the creaks of the straining crane.
"Burn in hell, whoremongin', fagfuckin', niggerlovin' commie!"
"God hates you!"
Fred Phelps & Family were at it again, parading around the barriers of democratic tolerance.
"He is the Enemy of Our Lord, hosting some liberal artyfarty faggyass school, where they blaspheme about Brain Stems ...or Baby Brains... or whatever those Satan worshippers call the abominations, so the sinner shall burn for eternity, because the Scriptures state that God hates Smarty Pants!", rants Fred with ample spittle.
"The Swine of Sodom was probably a pedophile, but it takes so long to get around his fat gluttonous ass, you would practically be Methuselah by the time he got his
aidsfagbuttsex!", guffawed Fred Phelps' older sister, Ann Coulter, eyes rolling independently
Surprisingly, the Falwell mourning mob of three's only reaction was to smile faintly and wave at the Phelps Circus. Later it was revealed that using hearing aids is on the Sabbath punishable by death.
Elsewhere, Kirk Cameron, the voice of reason, was displaying images of cats with fins, while gazing skyward, but this is most likely an unrelated incident.

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